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hollaakers
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Name: Sara
Interests: I am always seeking warmth -- doesn't matter how I get it. Could come in the form of sweat pants, blankets, socks, gloves, hugs, letters from far off places, or contact with very old friends. It's alarming how simple I am...guileless, I believe the term is. I'm interested in old men. Well, one old man.
Expertise: Presently, I am an expert in getting second place. Tomorrow, I may move up a notch. But then I'd have no expertise.
Occupation: Administrative
Industry: Retail
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/15/2004
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| Throwing files in folders is like throwing books in boxes. I love every single one but I know I'll never see them again. "Backing up" files is one thing when you're doing it as planned maintenance. It's different when you own a Dell and it's about to die.
Fuck you Dell.
I'm running in my mind but oh so stagnant. I'm itching but unable to concentrate. I feel like an addict unable to find it. That hit. We haven' t talked and I miss it. Making me a bit crazy.
Listening to old music before I say goodbye to it forever. It won't fit on my last CD-R and pictures are more important.
Is losing touch with a memory like losing touch with a song? A picture? Some little thing you wrote and loved two years after? Blogs are dumb and people write stupid shit there but there's one thing to be said about it: your shit is always there. Able to be accessed by anyone using Google. Pull it up in your free time and have those words in front of your eyes regardless of your fucking Dell. Nice.
I found a song that I only ever listened to because I like the way he says "fucking" in the third verse.
Please, find a way.
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| "In my dreams I see you asleep on a twin bed, the covers pulled up over your head. Am I asleep or awake? And it's morning and the captain is playing the radio. And he's just put the paint on his new boat. Am I asleep or awake?
I've barely been gone."
Today is Saturday. Class was fabulous, the days are becoming warm and clear and I can smell something new in the air. I've been burnt twice, but am now very tan. I am getting to know my students and picking long-term favorites.
"It just feels good when you're waking up. And it just feels good when you're next to me. And it just feels good when you're coming home."
Later today I teach mujeres. My favorite class, I think, but the hardest. They demand the most, and can tell when I fail.
"I'm all tan and smiling and running from third base."
Don't wanna dance.
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| I've started writing you an email. I get as far as, "hey," then I delete it.
Or maybe it saves as a draft, and I have a continuous line of drafts to no one saying, "hey,"
I'm writing something. I haven't finished it because I'm not currently writing.
Peru is better than ever.
"To be lonely is a habit. Like smoking or taking drugs. Well I've quit them both, but man was it rough."
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| I want a cheese..........
I'm sick of saying I want.
Last night we went to a Grupo 5 concert. It was incredible. The group came on at midnight. Lara and I got drunk and we all danced. Lara tried to get on stage. I bought.... lots of beer, and some chocolate, and a sucker, and a single cigarette. The cigarette was $.40. The lady smiled and held out a lighter and said, "God bless you."
Despite the amazement of last night... I was/am super irritable today. I'm done today with roommates. Especially girl roommates. I miss men. It's nothing in particular that I'm annoyed about. I am just done with sensitivity today.
Today I went to help a fellow teacher in class in Zone Z. Now I'm drinking Coke, and getting ready to tutor.
If you cared, would you ask me questions?
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| It's essentially all I can do.
I'm getting a ridiculous farmer's tan.
Today we hired a combi to take us and some Zone D kids to Zone Z for a community project. We painted a family's house and provided them with groceries and cleaning materials. Then we cleaned the neighborhood conchita and picked up garbage. Inca Kola cooled us off then we played Red Rover until the combi came back to pick us up. The kids here say:
"Red Rover, Red Rover... BENJAMIIIIIIIIIIIN." There is no, "right over." It's better I think. More vague but also so much more direct. There's no beating around the bush. Dammit, Benjamin, get the fuck over here.
Spanish uses fewer words to say more. More is assumed. I like it because it takes less effort, but I don't like it because I'm easily misunderstood.
We're sitting around and I want cookies. I need to do more lesson plans but I'm so fucking sick of them already.
I'm happy here. Very relaxed. Every day I have nothing but peace. Except when I think...
But I'm afraid exhuastion will take over my efforts to stay apart of "there." Already I'm resigned. I'm not a fighter... But I'm not good at accpeting blindly, either. Guess I should look forward to being tortured inside for the rest of my life.
I always crave pizza.
I'm only friends with Paul_Partison because of all the stupid shit he writes and for the equally stupid comments people leave.
¿Y por qué mierda no me amas lo suficiente para ser feliz?
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